As hard as it is to say this....
I DIDN'T PURGE TONIGHT.
It's 9:23 PM and I am sitting here feeling both angry with myself and happy with myself. It's hard to know that I am actually digesting food right now..... I still feel hungry, which is weird.... I guess it's just my body trying to get itself back in order.... I don't know.
It just sucks not knowing when I'm hungry or when I'm full. That's what's so scary about all of this. And the fact that I feel I never have control. I tell myself I'll have one cracker.... I eat the whole dang box. It's ridiculous.
Ugh. And I'm finding is SO HARD to leave this site I've been a part of for a year and a half. It's a site that I won't share the link, but it's a site for thinspiration and tips...
I just want to be thin.
All I can think about right now is HOW SCARED I AM TO WEIGHT MYSELF TOMORROW MORNING. I had two days to lose weight, I butchered it, Monday comes and I'm back to stuffing my body with calories all day long, all week.
I'm so scared to go to bed and wake up tomorrow.
I don't think I can even go to bed.... I feel like doing crunches all night.
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