End Of Week One in IDP

So... it was my first week in IDP and I gotta say....

IT WAS STRESSFUL.

I first started off on a smaller meal plan than the other girls and I liked that... ALOT. But today I started on a full meal plan and I was pissed off. I let them know.... I told them how I felt. Like I wanted to pick up the food, throw it at their faces, cue some Paul McCartney music and strut out of the building.

Besides that, I had some art therapy today which was nice. We made Valentine's for one another and shared some encouraging words. A girl from our group (theres 4 of us) is leaving IDP and today was her last day. It was sad :'( But I know that she is gonna do great! She was a great person to get to know.

And as of the beginning of the week, I cried almost every five minutes. It was embarrassing but they comforted me. Like, Tuesday they took us out to breakfast and the dietitian's came with is and helped us portion out our meals. I got corn pancakes with oranges and cranberries on top and a small side of fruit. The whole dish was five mother flippin' huge pancakes and I was like "NO. NOT GONNA HAPPEN." So my dietitian said I could eat one :) YAY ME! YAY HER! But after we all finished we did our check ins where we talk about how the meal made us feel and what was hard for us during it and ya know... I didn't get through the first word before bursting into tears in the middle of the restaurant -___- UGH.

The following day's were somewhat better. I mean, I got to eat less than the others and I didn;r have to eat my full desserts which felt GREAT. But today it was pack your own lunch and I brought two girl scout samoa cookies, which is a serving size, and they said "That's not a serving." so they took them away and gave me four oreos. WTF. I wanted to throw a chair. Trust me, I let them know in check in after that how pissed I was.

Well. That's all I have for now. There will be more in the coming weeks when I move in and all that fun stuff -__- Ugh. I'm so nervous for that. I hate this whole situation. I hate how it happened to me. I hate it hate it hate it hate it!!!!!!!!! GRRRR.

I guess my last thought for now is the struggle of seeing I have gained 5 lbs since monday. It's so hard to not use symptoms and to not freak out. Cuz honestly, I want to restrict all weekend.... but who knows what will happen. I know for recovery I need to eat, but this week was TOO MUCH.

Pray for me.