So, tomorrow I give up my scale.
I am super super scared to do this and I am freaking out. I feel like this should be easy since this is the 4th scale I will be giving up, but it's still just as hard. I know I need to stop buying scales and to not focus on a number so much, but it's what my ED really holds on to. Having a number to go by everyday is SUPER important to it. I don't know what I'm going to do. I know I need to put my faith and trust in my team and to know they would NEVER let me spiral out of control, but ED keeps saying "All they wanna do is make you fat, fat, FAT!"
I don't know what I'm going to do now when I wake up each morning. My routine is to wake up, go potty, and weight myself…. now I'll go potty and be lost with what to do next 0__o
I need some suggestions. I know I could go eat breakfast, and I will. Breakfast is usually a simple meal for me and I can most times get through it. What I need to something to do afterwards too! Something to get my mind off the fact that I don't have a number and I don't know and won't know how much I weigh. I mean, I could always talk to my team about being open with my weight but we tried that while I was at the house and I ended up crying in my room for two hours refusing to go to programming. So I don't know…
I just really am scared. And it's embarrassing to know this is the fourth scale… like, dude…. how much money did I waste?! I mean, to ED it's not a waste of money but to Kelly, it is… I could have bought cute glam clothes! UGH.
Please pray for me and for peace around this big event for me. I am terrified.
Kelly, I'm so proud of you. You are such a fighter. I think it's a great idea to replace the habit of stepping on a scale with something else in the morning. I usually eat breakfast right away and then for a while I had a strict routine of coming back to my room and listening to a CD of healthy, positive affirmations. I can burn you a copy of the CD if you want. it's about 20 minutes long. That took my mind off eating and anything else that was unhelpful. I found it really helped to structure my mornings, with that CD and then with other things I had to do. By the time I got them all done, I felt ready to start my day and weighing myself was not a part of that day, nor did it feel like I was missing it. I know how hard this is for you, so I'm not saying it'll be easy. But try replacing the scale with a healthy habit that you enjoy :). Love you!
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