Interesting week

this has been.

Since I left the house I went without purging, but then last weekend my parents had a Mardi Gras party and it ended up with me using symptoms :'( But ya know what? It's ok. I slipped up, it happens, and I'm no a week free of purging! The main issue is struggling with restriction and exercise. I need some support around that :/

Body image has been down the drain recently…. I've been having a rough time with that :( Which really sucks. I checked in with an EDT about it and like I've been told over a thousand times, body image is the last to go…. UGH. I wish I could be the first.

POSITIVE MOMENT THOUGH :D I challenged myself with eating two beignets my brother made tonight. It was hard as Hell, and dude I wanted to purge SO BAD, but I did it!

So that's an accomplishment. And even though it's hard to accept, I'm at least half accepting it. SO YEAH.

I guess the only real down down DOOOOWWNNN part to all of this is that I was recently told something that really brought me down and I wanted to use symptoms. It's bothering me so much and it's making ED really loud. He's taking this and having a party in my head, man. It's really aggravating and exhausting and I hope it all stops. I hate how people and things they do can really have such a huge impact on my ED :/ Well, I just need to do my best to just keep myself under control as best I can. It's all I can do.

So next week is my last week of IDP and I'm kind of nervous :/ I don't want it to end but at the same time I do…. well, ED wants it to…. A LOT. He wants to gain all control back… ugh. IDK anymore. I'm just frustrated and so annoyed.