So it's been decided….

I leave next Wednesday.

I'll be doing IDP here though for four weeks, so I'll still be at the AWH. But I'm nervous to go home again. I mean, I know what to expect… I've done this before. It's just scary when symptom use has been bad and ED is so freakin' loud and all I wanna do is binge and purge, restrict and work out. But I'm going to go home and try my best to refrain from that.

I just hope I don't mess up again :/

And boy am I not looking forward to today. I have a lot going on and my mind is going crazy and body image is just down the drain. I found out my weight last week and I broke down. I've gained 11 lbs since being here. Hope this isn't triggering to anyone, but it's just hard when I find out I came in under 107 lbs and OMG did that make my ED happy. He was like "Oh my gosh! You were so freakin' close to your FIRST goal weight!" and now he's yelling at me cuz I am so FAR from it now…. and all I wanna do is get back to it :(

UGH. Well… we'll so how things go. I'm pretty determined to do this right this time and not get my butt back up in this place.