Other than that, I've been having a tough time. I purged a week ago and I felt so guilty. I broke down to my therapist afterwards. It's weird… after I purged I didn't feel the same relief I always did. I didn't feel good or satisfied. I felt guilt, shame, disgust… but even after feeling all of that I still want to continue to purge :/ I know it's because I am really hating this weight restoration! UGH. I got my more tallies added to my meal plan and since then I've just been gaining and gaining (or so it seems…). I hate looking at myself in the mirror because every time I do I just break down in to tears. I hate it.
At least I got to go to church yesterday and that really helped! The message really applied to what I'm going through and so it was JUST what I needed to hear. Praise God for being so AWESOME SAUCE.
Anyway. I'm hanging in there the best I can. I have been symptom free since Jan 10th, so we're going to continue that! I know I can do it. I I have the strength that God is giving me each day to overcome this.
Thank you all for your constant support and love <3 xxxx
Kelly, you're doing amazing. I know the added tallies and weight restoration are so hard (I still have to do it too even though I'm not at the house anymore, so I know how much it doesn't feel good!). Trust in your dieticians and think of the food going to places you want it to go - like to your brain to help you think clearer (and kick ED's butt) and to your essential organs. So much of it really does go to those things and it helps me to think about it going there rather than to think in terms of weight gain. I'm glad you got to go to church yesterday and I'm glad to hear the strength in your writing. You go, girl! Love you!
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