I don't even know what I am going to do... a whole day surrounded by food and people... it's making my eating disorder scared out of it's mind. All it wants to do is eat as much as I can, and then use symptoms... which is NOT a good thing to do since family will be everywhere and watching me to make sure I DON'T do that. Which is frustrating since I don't want food police everywhere, but I also don't want to be binging and purging all day.
IDK what to do. I talked a bit to my mom last night on how she can support me and help me through this, but my eating disorder is so sneaky and vicious... it always finds a way to get away with symptom use.
And it's not just thanksgiving I'm freaking out about. I mean, my family is coming day and we're going out places all day long which means EATING AT RESTAURANTS 0___O which is one of the SCARIEST things in the world to me.
I hate how the Holidays, which should be fun and enjoyable, have to be so stressful for me :( I just want to enjoy people's company and the food that is going to be around... but I just can't. It's just impossible.
UGH. I hate that I was cursed with this illness. It really is taking my life away from me. I've become nothing.
No comments:
Post a Comment