When I am out and about, I look around and I just see people eating and laughing... they don't even give a second thought to what they're eating....
I want to do that. I want to wake up and eat breakfast without label checking, making sure it's under a certain amount of calories.... I just want to eat! I hate how I feel I need to starve all day in order to feel better about myself and then if I, GOD FORBID eat anything, I need to purge.
I just thought a lot about it today. I'm just getting frustrated. SO FRUSTRATED. I can now see how abnormal I am around food. I am WEIRD. I would hate to be with me in public when there's food around.
And recently, I have put A LOT of thought in to Thanksgiving 0___o Oh my gosh am I scared.... scared out of my mind. I am praying to God is goes well.
See, another thing. Another thing I can't just ENJOY. I have to plan days in advance of how I'm going to AVOID food, eat the least, how I'm gonna use symptoms.... you'd think being in recovery this would be SO much easier :'/ Ugh. I know it takes time.... I'm just getting inpatient :'(
Sorry, I just REALLY needed to get that out.
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