Meeepz.

That's only a bit dramatic to describe how I feel today.... I feel somewhat this way.

Anyway. Today is a new day. It kind of started off rough. I hate having coffee cake for breakfast. Anything sweet or cakey like in the morning seems like a dessert. It just upsets me. I ended up not eating all of it... We all here were pretty upset.

Anyway. I'm going to work on trying to update here more. Sorry if not all my posts are exactly unicorns sliding down rainbows with skittles and giggles.... But I will try to post more positive. It's just hard to. I've just been really deep in my eating disorder lately and symptom use has been high

I spent a good time venting to an EDT last night and then going upstairs to draw. So that helped. I also ripped up some tissues with a friend, lol! That was very therapeutic.

Today I'm working on yelling comebacks to ED every time he puts a negative thought in to my head. Obviously it didn't work too well at breakfast... but I still have lunch, pm snack, dinner, and hs snack to try. I always keep my journal at the table so I can write it down. It works a little, but it's still so hard to fully grasp and accept the words I say in return. I also need to work on my body checking I really need to AVOID mirrors....

You have no idea how frustrating it is to look in the mirror and throughout the day watch yourself get bigger and bigger... I know it's not physically happening, but at the same time I feel it is. IT'S SO CONFUSING. I changed like 5 times today already because I feel uncomfortable in everything I wear. I HATE IT.

I feel like because I'm this way, no one will want to be my friend.... or like, I'll never have a boyfriend. I know this all random crap to even think about, but it's honestly how I feel.....

Well, that's all I got.

byeeee!