One Year Free Of...

Wait for it.... PURGING

It took a lot of hard work and constantly reminding myself of what I want for myself. I never thought that the day would come that I would be able to say I went an entire year without purging. The one year mark is around July 6th.... so it's not a full year yet.... but it's around the corner. It's been a long journey getting to this place and I know I still have a ways to go but I can at least say that I have conquered one of my symptoms. It no longer has control over me. Yes, the urges do still come but I am able to distract myself or tell myself that it's not worth it. Purging is awful and it only gives temporary relief. It may help you to cope with whatever is it you're going through or help to make you feel in control... but in the long run it's a slow spiral down. It literally took me to the point of complete in utter darkness. I felt alone and out of control. I could't go a single day without it. It was what my life revolved around. I am honestly glad I no longer feel so run by it. I don't have to have escape plans from dinner tables or parties.... I can eat and have the emotions and still feel what I do but I don't have to act on it. I can sit and remind myself that the full feeling will pass and purging is not a permanant weight loss tool. Besides, even though body image is still a huge struggle, I can talk about it more and find the support I need. Restricting and other symptoms are still there and I still need to overcome them. But I cannot express how wonderful (and terrifying) it is to know that I am free (as long I continue to keep fighting!) from purging. I hope that anyone out there who is struggling with this symptom is able to find it in themselves to know that even thought it may feel as if you will never be able to overcome it, and trust me... I get totally understand that feeling. II thought I would never overcome it! But I have proven to myself and to my eating disorder that I AM strong enough to overcome whatever it is that is trying to destroy me. And so can you. So keep the faith and always remind yourself of the desires of your heart. You're on this earth to make a difference and do great things. In front of mirrors and on scales are not where you belong <3