I suck at blogging

I forgot about this blog... whoops.

There's not much to say, really. Just been back in IDP doing the usual.... eating, talking about feeling, setting goals.... which for me has gone somewhat well. I was able to give up my scale last month. Just leave out the part where I cried.... and when I found another scale :/ But hey! That doesn't take away from the fact that I DID at one point in time out my eating disorder by giving it up.

I've been in a rut the last few weeks and some suggestion were made for me in my treatment.... I'm stuck and confused with them. My case manager thought I should think about possibly going back to inpatient and I broke down when she told me. I a few weeks ago had suggested it after really seeing myself and how I was doing.... but when they said it to me I just died inside. A huge chunk is because I'm too ashamed and scared to go back. I have millions of assumptions that staff won't want me back :/ I wouldn't want me back.... I was a b*tch. My eating disorder messes me up.

I'm just afraid they'll be like "Get out"

So I just need to find out if insurance will even cover it again and if they will let me back in. AND I need to decide if I'm willing to go back.... right now ED is telling me not to. I wanna listen to him, God only knows.... but I need to do what's best for me. I can't live life with an Eating Disorder...

There is NO life with one....

I just need a lot of prayer!!!!