Well, I made it through my first weekend home! It was hard but I did it.
I've been really struggling but I'm trying my best to just keep moving forward. First weekends home from residential treatment is never easy :/
Friday in IDP we had to plan our entire weekend meal wise. Pfftt. I didn't follow it one bit. ED was like "Screw that". Ugh. I suck at following plans like that. It just doesn't happen. I know it needs to though since that's the only way I'll make progress. But it's so hard when I'm still stuck in the whole "Do I want recovery?". Which I know I do because there's so much I want to do in life. I think I'm just afraid of what life can be without my eating disorder. It's been with me since I was eleven....
I meet with my new dietician today so I hope and pray that that goes well. She seems nice from when I met her last week in group. Hopefully there's no meal plan changes. Unless she takes something off! Which I highly doubt will happen....
I have IDP until 7pm today... that's a long day. Lunch and dinner there. That's exhausting. ED is upset. Breakfast is the only meal of the day I have some control. Which is never good... breakfast is SUPER important and I haven't been eating it :/ Things really need to change. I can't let all these stays at AWH go to waste. I can't waste away. I need to get my butt in to action and really get on board with recovery.
Remember, there's a lot you want to do in this life-sometimes I wish I could just get in your head and give ED a good talking-to. Tell him "You need to go NOW" "Kelly doesn't need you anymore. You've had your fun- now just GO". "GET THE HELL OUT!!!!" That's what I feel like telling him- Love, Aunt Nancy XXX000
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