Home home home...

So my first day back home and I had to see my dietician and therapist. It didn't go over too well with my dietician appt :/ Turns out I lost quite a bit of weight while being away in New Hampshire so she strongly urged me to get back on to my meal plan and do my stuff. Obviously ED was throwing a party in my head when she said I lost weight, but Kelly was like "Oh shoot." She felt pretty disappointed. Honestly, I wanted being in NH to be a time where I could get my crap together and do what I need to do and prove to my team I can do it. But it turns out that ED was a little too strong :/ I did do well still they said. I mean, I was able to be present with people and enjoy my time so that's a HUGE step. Usually I'm a blob floating around… ya know?

Anyway. So after my appt. she told me I needed to eat lunch and suggested the bistro across the street. And guess what? I did it. I first sat in my car for like 10 mins trying to get myself to actually go and when I finally did I was scared out of my miiiinnddd. But I sad down and ate my lunch (as much as I could) and then I went to the park near by and cried a bit :/ I felt so sucky. But I was glad I ate. I needed to.

Then I had my therapy appt. and I cried my freakin' eyes out! I was like so happy about stuff yet so sad… I was all over the place emotionally. lol! But it felt good to just cry. And to talk about it to someone.

But then I come home and find out that tonight were going out to dinner for my sister going to college and an early birthday dinner for me and I was so not prepared for that. I hate eating out twice in one day. SUPER hard for me. But I'm gonna do it and I'm going to succeed. I just need to know that it's normal to do that! IT'S OK. I need to just relax.

Anywwaaay. Here's a hug to all the ppl who read my blog and support me (=